The boardroom at the North Pole seemed to have an early chill during this summer’s board meeting. The reindeer, now happier with a new diet and feed allotments from last century’s labor contract, is now frustrated with their stable conditions. Meanwhile, pretty boy Kris Kringle whose contract states he only has to work one day a year is complaining that while the new-fangled diet has helped put a spring back into the old team’s step, it has made the sleigh’s cockpit unbreathable due to an increase in reindeer flatulence. Something has to be done or Christmas would be cancelled this year.
The board was tentatively filing into the room desperate for new solutions. Sure, Santa got depressed before with the last-minute changes as wars raged over the years, but he kept up that rosy cheek glow for the kids. However, the rumor among the elves about Santa looking like the Grinch on Christmas morning was becoming a roar, as was the rumor that Project Veritas’ James O’Keefe was buying the elves shots of Amish egg nog at this spring’s vendor fair.
Sitting at the front of the room was a rather un-assuming little elf named Lazarus Elf, second class who no one really wanted to listen to. Once again, elf board member Bill Gateskeeper was having his most-recently hired elf pitch the board on turning the North Pole green. More than one board member had rumbled about how poorly conceived it was to listen to a software elf with a high school chemistry education from the 1970’s talk about clean energy. The alcohol investments were producing dubious environmental results and the reindeer accidents had risen.
Lazarus must have been feeling up to the challenge that day, despite the long list of Burgermeister-style brush offs from New England mayors, governors and their utility baron puppet masters for he had been born on Christmas Day. Hope would not be lost as he was told along the way by an old pirate named Jones that only by the light of the longest day at the North Pole could truth not only be heard but listened to, and today was that day. With a pocket full of new Fuelcell Energy solid oxide and molten carbonate cells he had an answer to any merry riddle the board might give tell.
So, as the long-eared spokes-elf Henrik looked down upon Lazarus and read the boards list of green energy regs to be solved, he began to chuckle and then laugh for he understood the truth that carbon could create. After the spokes-elf sat down and Lazarus’ laugh drew to a close, he rose to his three feet and stated, “There are many more reindeer farts around than just what flies in Santa’s face. And what is good for Santa is good for the human race.” He suddenly appeared to grow to six-feet-tall.
So, Lazarus pressed on as the board looked confused, “Even the Easter Bunny knows it takes more than one egg. With this first solid oxide cell, I can make the smell go away and produce lots of energy to keep the utility barrons away.” Santa peeked up as Lazarus appeared to grow 12-feet-tall. On he went as his might seemed to glow, “You have such growing reindeer herds as well as elves, so with this second molten carbonate cell carbon will be captured and made into light-weight sleighs and carbon fiber toys for you to give to all the little girls and boys.”
Then trumpets began to blare as Santa sprang to his feet. Elf Gateskeeper was befuddled as his riddle had been solved, with young Greta Elf crying tears of joy at his feet. As Lazarus shrank back to three feet, he was gathered into Santa’s loving arms and carried from the board to the town’s square where the elves had gathered and angels joined Lazarus and Santa Claus in singing to pilgrims, donkeys and elephants alike, “God loves us all because carbon can create! The science has been settled and there’s no need for hate. But, you’d better make an investment before it’s too late.”
And that is the story of how Fuelcell Energy saved Christmas 2019 and beyond.